What to do when you're stuck after a breakup and can't move forward?

If you have come to this blog, it's possible that you're still somehow stuck in this relationship, and this whole breakup process is being stretched out over time.

The very thought of separating scares you.

In part, you may be right because a breakup can take away a few years of your happy life without the proper knowledge, and you will be functioning in an emotional hibernation.

Your relationship with your partner may still be quite intimate, so you cannot reasonably determine whether this breakup was final.

Every breakup is different, so you should know where you stand.

We, as humans, tend to hypocritical reality, especially if there are some feelings involved there.

That's why we often can't admit to ourselves that a relationship is dead and your partner doesn't love you anymore.

So, in this section, we will focus on the key questions you should ask yourself.

We will ask you many essential questions that you don't usually ask yourself but which can give you a better understanding of the situation.

Continue trying to rekindle the relationship or let it go after all?

Questions of this type can still appear in your head for a very long time.

How do you know that it is not worth continuing to fight for this relationship?

Where is the fine line between a situation that is still worth trying and fighting for this relationship and when better to let go and it is better to take care of yourself?

This relationship may have no future, and being stuck in this relationship only makes us hurt each other.

And it's a difficult decision when you think about whether it's still worth fighting for this relationship or whether it's better to let go already, give yourself a break and try to build your life anew.

All sorts of questions are probably swirling around in your head:

"Does this relationship of yours still have a future? Is it worth fighting for this relationship at all? Is there any point in trying above everything to keep this relationship?

Is it better to leave this relationship? Is it better to fight for yourself? Is it better to end this hurting each other?

Sometimes, it's better to calm down this whole atmosphere just by leaving this relationship, ending this relationship definitively, because many of you have such relationships where you hurt each other; it's a difficult relationship, and you can't leave each other, so definitively.

So these are situations where you walk away from each other and then return to each other in a moment.

Seemingly, you are not together, but you will not be with each other either, even after you get back together.

So, we will consider when is an excellent moment to say, "I'm leaving; it's over for me." "For me, it's burned out; there's nothing between us anymore."

And when is the right moment to leave without regret, without mutual resentment, at the same time, so that we also do not feel that we have not done everything to fight for this relationship after all?

When we leave such a relationship too early, and we later have such a feeling that we could have done something, we also have a grudge against ourselves.

So here you have to find this line, this thin line, where it is still worth caring about this relationship and fighting, and where, however, it no longer makes sense, and any attempt to resurrect this relationship, to resurrect these feelings will only end in wasted time and further emotional wounds, which will make you even more dependent on each other.

Therefore, in this section, I will ask you some key questions.

Suppose you answer them sincerely to yourself. In that case, you will find this fine line between that moment that it is already worth leaving this relationship, that this relationship has no future, and that such further struggle no longer makes sense because it brings this struggle more harm than good, that only emotional wounds appear, mutual dependence on each other and postponement of what is inevitable anyway.

And so, in this relationship, there will no longer be such emotions, no complete love, no sense of security, and no trust, and you are still stuck in this relationship.

This is probably the worst moment, this state of limbo, when, on the one hand, we won't be happy in this relationship, and on the other hand, we can't get away from this relationship.

So, let's consider what your situation is at this point.

You may feel that things are not going well in your relationship, that you are just not happy in this relationship and are thinking about leaving this relationship.

It's worth doing such an honest examination of conscience at this point to analyze your situation more deeply.

I encourage you to do such a more profound analysis because by analyzing your situation more deeply, you can first get to know yourself.

Ask yourself, "What are you concerned about in this situation? Why were you entangled in a relationship that does not give you happiness?"

With such a difficult situation, you can get to know yourself better and grow as a person.

Secondly, if you lean into this subject, if you don't run away from this subject, if such a reflection appears in your life as to why you are in a relationship that doesn't give you happiness, then by analyzing this situation more deeply you can learn something about yourself. Thus, you will avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

Because many of us have this tendency to get into a specific repetitive pattern.

If you get stuck in this pattern, then one, the second, the third and every subsequent relationship can look similar.

And that's why you need a deeper analysis to get out of such a pattern.

The first key question is always at what point in your life are you and why precisely at this moment, at this very moment, are you thinking of leaving?

Why didn't you think about leaving a month or two ago?

You may be delaying this, thinking about leaving until some future date, some anniversary, or maybe some birthday.

People give many such dates, and only then will they start thinking about ending such a relationship once some of their things are settled.

If, at this point, you think that this relationship must end, then ask yourself these questions: "Did something special happen at that moment that made you feel so much that you are thinking about leaving right now? Or was it you who did something? Maybe you met another person who opened your eyes to your unhappiness in this relationship. Did something in your life influence you to think this relationship is not for you after all?

Or is there something your partner has done that makes you think that this relationship has burned out and you are not happy in it?

It could be that the other person has met someone, and you notice that this acquaintance is developing and that you don't want to be stuck in such a toxic triangle.

Does it stem from the fact that you are fed up with specific, constantly recurring situations and can no longer live like this?"

If you're thinking of leaving, you've probably noticed that you've grown distant from each other.

Everyone is living a little bit in their way.

You have a different vision of the future, and these visions of the future are only partially accurate. You feel that you just come from two other worlds which cannot be combined.

And another question: "When did you notice that you and your partner live on completely different planets? These worlds don't intermingle, that this can't be merged, that these different visions of the future can't be reconciled, because after all, this used to be no problem for you."

If you saw that you are from two different worlds and that these visions of the future can't be combined, you probably wouldn't start this relationship seriously.

Therefore, ask yourself why what used to be a problem for you is now not that a problem.

Maybe nothing that big has changed, and only you have changed, and your approach to certain things has changed, so your visions for life have changed.

Maybe the other person has changed and this change in the partner does not suit you.

Or maybe it's the case that you learned something new about this person, about her life, which made you no longer fully trust this person, you don't believe what this person has told you so far, and you simply can't give this person a second chance, because this information was so important to you, which turned this life of yours upside down a bit.

Therefore, ask yourself:

"Why do you now realize that you are from two different worlds?

Why is it that you are just now noticing this?

Why was this not an issue for you before?

What influenced the fact that these two worlds of yours are so far apart, that this vision of your future and your partner's are so far apart?

Why do you have to decide whether to stay in this relationship and fight for it or instead leave and fight for yourself?"

It is worth analyzing the development of your relationship.

Consider:

"What made you, in general, start to be together?

What attracted you to the other person?

What made this person seem very interesting? "

If something drew you to this person, think about how it was initially.

And now, let's get into the current situation.

What is it that makes you repulsed by this person now?

What attracted us to this person and what repelled us from this person now are sometimes the same thing.

It could be that you liked that your partner was so energetic, spontaneous, and entertaining.

You wanted it a lot; it gave you strength, energy, and joy in life.

On the other hand, what was such a great asset of your partner in the beginning, later, when you began to form a relationship, it began to bother you terribly because this spontaneity eventually led to the fact that there was a lack of security in this relationship.

So, think about how it was in your relationship, what attracted you to the other person, and if, by chance, it is now that what once attracted you is repelling you at this point in your life.

It could be something else entirely, that you were once attracted to this person by one aspect of his personality, while now you have learned something about this person that bothers you terribly.

That's why it's worth thinking: 'What attracts us and repels us from this other person?'

And when you start to analyze the beginnings of your relationship, think about what has changed since then.

How have you changed a lot?

How has your partner changed?

Has your change affected your partner in any way, and has his change affected you in any way?

Has His change affected you?

Do you like these changes?

Because it is very often the case that our partner changes, for example, under the influence of a new environment.

A new job, a new hobby, a new interest, a new sport.

With each such change, there are other people around our partner.

Sometimes, you can see how the partner absorbs the influence of these people, a new way of speaking, a new way of thinking, and a whole new way of being.

These people inspire the partner in some way.

On the other hand, we don't like it at all, we don't agree with it at all.

At this point, we started to size each other up because we preferred this version of our partner from before these new contacts.

On the other hand, He is so inspired by these new people that we find it difficult to get along with Him.

Therefore, let's think about what has changed in Us and what has changed in the other person from whom we have grown so far apart.

The essential thing is the beginning of your relationship because it was a very pivotal moment in that person's life for one of you.

The point is that the beginning of your relationship for you or your partner had some special meaning.

Maybe you were after a breakup?

Maybe your partner was after a breakup?

Maybe you or your partner left your former partner to create that special relationship.

On the other hand, very often, we see here that the one person who starts this relationship just after a complicated relationship expects something completely different from this relationship.

On the other hand, over time, these certain expectations here change.

Therefore, it is worth seeing with what attitude you entered this relationship, who had more excellent baggage of experiences and such hardships in life, because this can affect the development of your relationship.

It is also worth looking at the beginning of your relationship and considering whether, by any chance, there was a situation where someone felt in this relationship of yours that he had sacrificed more and decided to change his job, change his place of residence, change his whole environment, move away from his friends, from his family to be in this relationship.

And such a person, over time, feels unhappy that he sacrificed so much and thinks it was unfair.

I know many examples of relationships. Their doubts start with this unpleasant feeling: "I sacrifice for you, but I don't get anything out of it; it doesn't give me anything." "I'm unhappily sacrificing myself in a relationship where I get nothing in return." "You promised me a lot that we would have a good life if we moved. In contrast, I waited a long time but didn't see it, and I don't feel that my sacrifice meant anything to you."

And it's a sombre feeling when we think we are sacrificing our whole life, changing it for the other person, and she treats it as something completely unimportant.

Therefore, let's think about the beginnings of our relationship.

Wasn't it the case that one of you sacrificed more for this relationship, and now, at this particular moment in your life, where you gave up on each other completely, this sacrifice didn't matter to the other person?

As you reflect on the beginning of your relationship, now think about the next thing:

"how long have YOU been trying to fight for this relationship?"

It is often the case that we have already been fighting for this relationship for months or even years. Still, on the other hand, it looks like WE are fighting for this relationship, and the other person is not doing anything.

We may already really feel tired of all this; we may think that it's all just in our head, and we're just fed up.

We're fed up with the fact that the partner doesn't get involved, that the other person seems to think that everything is fine, that he doesn't see our problems, and doesn't want to talk to you about these topics.

It may even seem to you that the other person has long since let go, and this relationship will continue even though you are so unhappy with each other.

When you start thinking about how long you've been fighting for this relationship, it's also worth thinking about what would have to happen for this relationship to last for your struggle to make sense.

What would you have to change in yourself, but what would the other person also have to change in themselves?

Honestly, think about whether this change you expect is possible.

Because fighting for a relationship often resembles fighting windmills.

We hope that the other person will change, even though we know that this change would have to be downright dramatic.

If we consider it seriously and are honest, we will conclude that this change is impossible.

So this is a fundamental question for you: "What would need to happen for your relationship to survive?

But is this change possible? "

And here you can ask another additional question.

If you already know what would have to change for this relationship to survive and know that this change is possible, can you tell the other person about your expectations?

If you can't talk about your expectations directly to the other person, and yet about such vital expectations that you feel that if this were to change, it would save your relationship, well then you can see the communication problems in your relationship that you don't trust each other, that you don't feel safe, that you don't talk about what is essential.

The moment you resist telling the other person what could save your relationship because, for example, you are afraid of the other person's reaction, it means there is really something wrong.

Something like this may have happened between you, which prevents you from living happily together.

And one more piece of advice at the end.

Suppose you want to make a good decision. In that case, you want to know whether it's worth fighting for this relationship or whether you need to fight for yourself and end it as soon as possible, then just set a definite deadline.

If it's still worth fighting for this relationship, it's worth giving you this second, maybe last chance, then set a specific deadline until which time you will fight for this relationship.

Will it be until Christmas, until your birthday, or until some anniversary?

Some specific date has to be chosen because the idea is that you give yourself this deadline and then decide that you will not be stuck in this relationship, in this limbo, indefinitely. After all, it is a very unpleasant feeling when you try to fight for this relationship, and it lasts for months, years, neither better nor worse.

It's the same always, and you are unhappy in this relationship.

If you want to feel like you've done everything to fight for this relationship, think about the deadline.

And the second thing is to think about whether YOU can say that you have doubts about the future, that you are thinking about breaking up, about getting a divorce.

Can you tell the other person about it?

If you can't tell the other person directly, then this is a red warning light showing that your problems are deep and you may never solve them.

And when you dare to tell the other person, however, that you have such a set deadline, that this is your last chance to do something about the relationship, then you have a chance to see the other person's reaction and ask yourself, does such a reaction please you, or did such a reaction from the other person surprise you?

Or it was exactly as you predicted.

Did the other person shrug her shoulders and take nothing from the deadline?

She just waved her hand, and you noticed clearly in the end what a lack of commitment there is from the other side, how this person feels discouraged to fight for this relationship in any way which will be vital to you.

That's why it's worth daring to set this deadline for yourself and say to the other person, "This is my deadline, where I give us one last chance. If we don't take this chance, unfortunately, we can't be together."

So, returning to our question from the beginning of this material, is it worth continuing to try, or is it worth letting go?

How do you know if the relationship is worth fighting for?

First, you'll know it by reviewing all the questions I've asked you today and seeing what reflections pop up in your head.

You will see if YOU can tell your partner about these essential things, deep emotional things, or do YOU only think about this breakup, this departure in your head and are entirely unable to tell it to the other person?

Ask yourself if you feel that you are the only one fighting for this relationship and the other person has long since let go, and do you feel tired of it?

These are essential topics, and spending some time on them is worth it.

So consider at the end of this material whether it's worth continuing to try to fight for the relationship, or is this the best time to fight for yourself after all?

Because we often miss this moment.

That line between us is really thin because we often fight at all costs for our relationship and don't see that the longer we fight, the more we hurt each other, the more we become dependent on each other, and the harder it is for us to get out of the relationship.